Being in Relationship

In this intimate episode, I trace my personal relationship journey—from shy teenager, to married and opening up, to embracing many loves, and finally calling in my current primary partner. It’s a story about learning what love means when you stop following default rules and start creating relationships with intention. 

I share the awkwardness of my early years, when I barely spoke to the girls I liked, and the sweetness of my first love at 15—a connection that planted the seed for the kind of intimacy I’d always seek. I talk about the long stretch between then and my marriage, where I often found myself drawn to people who were unavailable in some way, and how that shaped my early understanding of love. 

When I got married, I knew about non-monogamy but hadn’t practiced it. We eventually opened our relationship, and while it brought new possibilities, it also brought every insecurity and fear to the surface. That experience taught me what doesn’t work for me—and pushed me to start asking better questions about what I actually want. 

Post-divorce, I dove into learning: books like More Than Two and The Ethical Slut, relationship coaching, and a lot of trial and error. In 2019, I found myself in three concurrent relationships that felt surprisingly easy and connected—none of us trying to be each other’s “everything.” I realized that variety wasn’t a lack; it was richness. 

When the pandemic hit, one of those relationships deepened. I said yes to it even knowing it might end, because endings can be just as sacred as beginnings. That conscious ending made space for what I truly wanted: a primary partner. 

That’s when Ziona came into my life. Introduced through mutual friends, we connected immediately. We chose to be monogamous for our first couple of years, building a foundation of trust, safety, and communication. Now, with that foundation in place, we’re expanding again—slowly, intentionally, and with joy for each other’s joy. That’s compersion: finding pleasure in your partner’s pleasure. 

This episode explores: 

• Why I no longer believe in one person meeting all my needs
• How conscious endings can be deeply healing
• The importance of starting with friendship and moving at the pace of your nervous system
• Why there’s no “better” between monogamy and polyamory—only what works for those involved
• The role of intention and communication in every relationship style

If you’ve ever questioned your relationship model, felt torn between tradition and curiosity, or wondered how to build something that truly fits you—this episode is for you. It’s not about choosing the “right” structure; it’s about being in relationship in a way that feels aligned, alive, and authentic.
 
💬 Reflection prompt:
What’s your relationship style—really? And what would you choose if you set aside everything you were told was “right” or “normal”?